The Disney Grooming Syndicate’s latest box office humiliation is so humiliating; after shaking my head in disbelief like a cartoon character, I had to double-check it.
But glory be, it’s true. It’s true!
Yes, Pixar’s Soul is a 2020 title produced for wide theatrical release and thwarted by all the stupid, anti-science social distancing during the pandemic. Yes, it was released on Disney+, the Disney Grooming Syndicate’s money-losing streaming service… I am a fair man who readily acknowledges all those caveats.
Soul, a feature-length animated film starring a black character, was released into 1,350 theaters over the Martin Luther King Jr. four-day holiday weekend and grossed exactly — get ready to laugh — $557,000.
That’s about 25 percent of the projected two million, which makes my heart sing.
On Friday, Soul grossed a measly $99 per theater.
Here’s some context for you…
When the 30-year-old Nightmare Before Christmas was re-released into theaters last October, a movie everyone’s seen and is just as available at home as Soul, it grossed $4.3 million over that first re-release weekend. Over three weekends, it grossed $10.2 million. Soul will be lucky to cross $2 million before theater owners revolt over playing a movie that earns fewer ticket sales than Battlefield Earth.
And that was Nightmare’s third re-release.
You see, parents know Disney’s Nightmare Before Christmas is safe because it came before Disney decided to prey on, “queer,” and groom prepubescent children. That doesn’t mean Nightmare Before Christmas is empty calories — quite the opposite. Tim Burton’s classic (he produced and wrote the story while Henry Selick directed) is filled with Burton’s well-honed themes about acceptance — all of it told through a story and world adults enjoy (at least I do) as much as children. Nightmare is challenging without ever looking to threaten your child’s innocence.
The Disney that produced Nightmare no longer exists. Decent parents know this, and that’s why normal people stay far away from Disney products aimed at kids.
Soul might be a great movie, but normal people will never know because Disney has lost our trust and goodwill. Disney is a threat to our children. Disney is evil.
Over the next two months, Disney will release Pixar’s Turning Red and Luca into theaters for the first time after sending those directly to Disney+. Maybe if we wish real, real hard, those will flop just as hard, and then we can laugh at Disney CEO Bob “The Groomer” Iger.
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